Suryapal 21

A teacher asks her class how many of them are Congress fans.
Not really knowing what a Congress fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.

The teacher asks Suryapal why he has decided to be different.

Suryapal says, "I'm not a Congress fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Congress fan?"

Suryapal says, "I'm a BJP fan."

The teacher asks why he's a BJP fan.

The boy says, "Well, my mom's a BJP fan and my dad's a BJP fan, so I'm a BJP fan!"

The teacher gets a bit angry, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Suryapal says, "That would make me a Congress fan."

Suryapal 20

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line
of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice .

Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Eventually they asked Indian Intelligence team for help.

Within a minute,Suryapal emailed the White House with
this reply:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside
down."

The Singhs!

One day Suryapal Singh was getting bored and didn't know what to do. So he decided to kidnap a child.He went over to the play ground and saw plenty of little kids running around.He picked out one little boy and went over and grabbed him.Suryapal wrote a note as the following:

To whom it may concern:

I have just kidnapped your little boy and I want one lakh rupees in a paper bag under the mango tree at gandhiji park at noon.

Sincerely
Suryapal

After he was finished .He pinned the note to the child's shirt and sent him home. The next day Suryapal went to the mango tree at noon and there was a brown paper bag. All the money was there but there was a little note. It said:


Dear Suryapal Singh:

Your money is all there I just wanted to know how you could do this to another Singh??.

Satyapal Singh

Hanging Praful

Praful decided to commit suicide by hanging himself from a tree in the park.

A few days later, a man was walking with his dog and spotted him hanging from the tree. He asks Praful what he was doing and he replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the loop around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied Praful, "but I couldn't breathe."

Cant find Jesus!

A drunk stumbles down into the river and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says,"Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

"Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now Mister, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 1 minute this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in??"

Praful in heaven

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married,Praful and his girlfriend had a fatal car accident. They found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven.

St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. "Let me go find out." and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months...and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?...."

St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking some what tired. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven."

"Great,"said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple.

"COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer??"

Praful-7

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Pallimukk got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their church benches and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for Praful who sat calmly in his church bench, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

Praful "Yes, sure, i do."

Satan -"Aren't you afraid of me?"

Praful-"Nope, sure ain't,".

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

Praful-"I've been married to your sister for over 20 years."

Praful-6

Praful arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

Praful-"How current is your copy?" he asks.

St. Peter-"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"

Praful-"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

St. Peter-"I'm glad to hear that," "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

Praful-"Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.

Praful continued-"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

Praful-"About three minutes ago."

The biggest lie

Madhu sir passed by a group of 10th std students sitting in the school ground.
Madhu sir-"Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?"

Suryapal-"Nothing much,"We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."

Madhu Sir-"Boys, boys, boys!" intoned Madhu sir. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."

The boys looked at each other and then said, "You win,Sir!"

Suryapal-19

Suryapal-"Dad, I don't want to go to school today."
Dad-"Why not, son?"
Suryapal-"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
Dad-"But why don't you want to go today?"
Suryapal-"Because our Physical Training teacher died yesterday!"

Suryapal vs Praful 2

Praful says to Suryapal, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
Suryapal says, "If I guess right, will you give me one among them?"
Praful says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!

Suryapal's Flashback

When I was young I didn't like going for weddings anniversaries.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next!!"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals

Suryapal-18

Suryapal who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by Praful. Suryapal got out of the car to apologize and offered Praful a drink from a bottle of whisky. Praful was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said Suryapal, "have another drink."
Praful drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked Suryapal.
"Perhaps," replied Suryapal, "after the police have gone."

The psychos

A psychologist was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor- "And what is the guy hanging from the ceiling doing?"
Patient-"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

Patient-"What? And work in the dark?"

Praful-5

Praful answers the telephone and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, & I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms & both legs, & will need help eating & going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Praful says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

The millionaire

A young man once asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old man fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last Rupee."

"I invested that Rupee in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten Rupees."

"The next morning, I invested those ten Rupees in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 Rupees. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of Rs800."

"Then my wife's father died and left us Twenty lakh rupees."

Suryapal-17

Suryapal walks into a bar wearing an Arsenal jersey and carrying a little dog that also has an Arsenal jersey . Suryapal says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch Arsenal's game here? My TV at home broke and my dog and I want to see the game."

The bartender - normally, dogs are not allowed in the bar, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and your dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there is any trouble with you or your dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.

Suryapal agrees and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon Arsenal shoots a goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.

The bartender-"Hey, that's cool! What does he do if the opponent scores a goal?"

Suryapal - "I think I am here because the opponent scored a goal"

Suryapal-16

Suryapal: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Suryapal: good, because i didn't do my homework.

Dogs are better

If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife knocking on the front door who would you let in first?
The dog. at least he would shut up once he is in

Elephants grave

Satyapal: Why are you crying?
Suryapal: The elephant is dead.
Satyapal: Was he your pet?
Suryapal: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave

Suryapal-15

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Suryapal stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Suryapal?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Suryapal-14

Suryapal was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor Praful peered over the fence. Interested in what his friend was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Surya?"

"My goldfish died," replied Suryapal tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

Praful was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Suryapal patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

For the sick

Praful and his mother were in church when he started to feel ill.
Praful-"Mommy, can we leave now?" .

Mom-"No." .

Praful-"I think I'm gonna puke."

Mom-"Well go out the front door, walk around the back of the church and puke behind a bush."

A few moments later he returned to his seat.

Mom-"Did you puke?"

Praful-"Yes."

Mom-"How could you have gone all the way around the church, puke and be back here so soon?"

Praful-"I didn't even have to go outside. They have a box right by the front door that says 'for the sick'."

Suryapal-13

Suryapal walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "Im having a baby ."

With big round eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him??"

Suryapal-12

The class assignment was to write about something unusual
that happened during the past week.
Suryapal got up to read his.
Suryapal-"Praful fell in the well last week"
Teacher-"Oh my god...." "Is he all right now?"
Suryapal-"He must be,". "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Cure the blindness

A little blind boy goes up to his mom and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
His mom replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little boy was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little boy's eyes, wrapped a bandage around his head, and took him to bed.
The following morning the little boy stumbled into his moms bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little boy was getting more and more excited. Once they were off, the little boy said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

Suryapal-11

Suryapal's friends used to tease him saying that he is as stupid as a donkey.And they used to call him "Jackass"
To prove it, sometimes they offer Suryapal his choice between a Rs5coin and a Rs1coin. He always takes the Rs1coin - they say - because it's bigger.

One day after Suryapal grabbed the Rs 1coin, Praful got him off to one side and said, "Surya, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know that Rs5coin is worth more than the Rs1coin. Are you grabbing the Rs 1coin because it's bigger, or what?"
And Suryapal said, "Well, if I took the Rs 5coin, they'd quit doing it!"

Suryapal-10

Suryapal went to his dad, who was working in the yard.He asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" His father was surprised on hearing such a question, but he decides that if he is old enough to ask the question, then he is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell him all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, Suryapal was looking at him with his mouth hanging open. His father asked him, "Why did you ask this question?" Suryapal replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

Suryapal-9

Suryapal was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the car shed and bring her the broom. Suryapal turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." Suryapal looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. Suryapal thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

Printable Version

Suryapal-8

Suryapal was sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: Suryapal-"Dad..." Dad-"What?" Suryapal-"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?" Dad-"No. You had your chance. Lights out." "Five minutes later......: Suryapal-"Da-aaad..." Dad-"WHAT?" Suryapal-"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" Dad-"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" "Five minutes later... Suryapal-"Daaaa-aaaad..." Dad-"WHAT??!!" Suryapal-"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

Printable Version

Suryapal's Luck

A pretty girl walked up to Suryapal's department store.
Pretty girl- "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
Suryapal-"Only one kiss per yard,".
Girl-"That's fine,"."I'll take ten yards."
Suryapal-With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, he quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out to her.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

The Drug convincers

Praful and Suryapal get busted for smoking, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop taking drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." So Praful and Suryapal agrees and the judge tells them to come back on the next Monday. So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how well they did.
Praful-''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' .
Judge-''Wow, how'd you do that?''.
Praful-''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''

Suryapal-''Oh, that's nothing!" . "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''
Judge-''Wow. How'd you do that?''.

Suryapal-''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...and.........!!''

Praful-4

Praful touched his knee with his finger and yelled....... Ouch. The same thing happened when he touched his elbow ,his nose,eye,toe and ear. He went for a whole body checkup and found that his finger was broken!

Praful's Big doubt

Praful had a real big doubt which no one could answer.
Praful-Why does farts stink?
But at last Suryapal had an answer!
Suryapal-So that deaf people can enjoy them too!!

blood blood blood!!

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him have some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

Fell asleep

Suryapal and praful were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally,Praful turned to Suryapal and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.

Suryapal turned towards him and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

Suryapal-7

Kochi's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery in vazhakala. Suryapal and his gang had started their rescue mission and has found 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues.

the tests

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

The three envelopes

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he was going to replace. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you find yourself in a crisis which you can't solve."

Three months later the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all.

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About 6 months later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

A year later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes and hook your job on a new manager!"

Alaskan Fishing

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Shawn, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Shawn shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Shawn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper - "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Shawn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "what's the good news?"

The trooper- "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-sized crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Shawn - "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper- "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Pay attention!

First year students at Medical college were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
Professor-"In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

Professor-"Go ahead and do the same thing," .
The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.

When everyone finished,
Professor-"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"

Suryapal-6

Suryapal and Satyapal had not seen each other for many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Suryapal invited Satyapal to visit him in his new apartment.

Suryapal-"I've got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."

Satyapal-"Great. Where do you live?"

Suryapal-"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

Satyapal-"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

Suryapal-"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."

Move in pace

Bill Gates was having a talk with the chairman of General Motors.
Bill-"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."

He continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."  

In response, the GM chairman- "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

The Computer way

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer -"I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer - "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."

The electrical engineer -"I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer - "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

The ultimate prayer

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless my Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma...... Tata, Grandpa."

The father didn't know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless my Mommy and Daddy........ Tata,Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless my Mommy........... Tata, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the hospital early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the car shed. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our car shed this morning!"

Unusual Names

A small boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
Boy-"Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?

Mother-"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm"

Boy -"Why is my sister named Cornflower"?
Mother-"Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her".
Boy-"And why is my other sister called Moonchild"?

Mother-"We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived"
The mother paused and said to her son... "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious??"

Praful-3

Praful comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, praful, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. At that time saw a chewing gum stuck on my teachers dress.. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

Praful, his father said. "You don't do those kind of things when you are in a church."

The very next day Praful came home with the other eye black.

Praful's father said, "Praful, I thought we had a talk yesterday!"

"But Dad,"Praful said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. At that time i saw a chewing gum stuck on my teachers dress. Then Jino who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I stuck it back in!"

A Lawyer's Charge

A new client had just arrived to see a famous lawyer.
Client-"Can you tell me how much you charge?"
Lawyer-"Of course", "I charge Rs500 to answer three questions!"
Client-"Well that's a bit expensive, isn't it?"
Lawyer-"Yes it is","And what's your third question??"

Medicine vs Engg: vs Law

Suryapal(physician), Jino(engineer), and Praful(lawyer) were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. Then Suryapal(physician) said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

Then, Jino(engineer) replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, Praful(lawyer) spoke up. "Yes, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion??"

Grasshopper

One fine day, Suryapal was riding in his tipper lorry when he saw Praful and Jino eating grass by the road side. He stoped his vehicle and he got out to investigate.

Suryapal-"Why are you guys eating grass?"
Praful and Jino-"We have no money for food."
Suryapal-"Oh, come along with me then."
Praful-"But, I have a wife with two children!"
Suryapal-"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to Jino.
Jino-"But , I have a wife with six children!"
Suryapal-"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed up into the lorry, which was no easy task. Once underway,Jino said, "You are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Suryapal-"No problem, the grass at my house is about two feet tall!"

Suryapal vs Praful

Suryapal was sent to Hell for his sins. On his way to his room of endless torture, he passed a room where he saw praful having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," Suryapal muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that Praful gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing Suryapal with his pitchfork, the escorting devil snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?

Praful-2

One day,Praful had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his classmates, when suddenly a KSRTC-Super Fast came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a policeman came by, and Praful ran up to him yelling. "MY PIAGGIO APE'S DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he cried out.
I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the policeman said.
Then Praful looked down at his side and again cried out "OH MY GOD !!MY TIMEX !!"

Suryapal-5

Suryapal's parents were a little worried, as their son was still unable to decide about his career, so they decided to have a small test.

They took a 100 rupee note, a Bible, and a bottle of bear, and put them on the table in the living room. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.

Suryapal's father told to his mother, If our son takes the money, he would be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard.

So his parents took their place and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw Suryapal arrive home.

Suryapal saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 100 rupee note , looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three things.

His father hit his forehead, and said, Damn! It is even worse than I ever imagined.

"What do you mean?" his wife asked impatiently.

He's gonna be a politician!!. his father replied.

Try and try till you succeed

In a forest, a little tortoise began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, again he slowly climbed the tree, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. Honey, I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.

Christmas wish

One day, a small kid wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister.

Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.

Praful-1

One day Praful asked his mother, "How did the human race come about?"

His Mother said, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and, so all mankind was made."
Next day, Praful asked her father the same question. His father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

Confused, praful returns to his mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and dad says we developed from monkeys?"

The Mother said, Well, honey, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.

Suryapal-4

Suryapal went to visit his granny one day. He went and asked her, Granny, how come you don't have a boyfriend?

Granny replied, Surya, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set it in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV makes me feel so good.

The comedies in it make me laugh. I'm so happy with the TV as my boyfriend." Granny turned on the TV and the picture was ugly. She started adjusting the buttons trying to get the picture perfect. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. Suryapal heard the doorbell ring and he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Granny's insurance agent. The agent said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"

Suryapal replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her boyfriend."

Suryapal-3

Suryapal was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the master to tell him that Suryapal was a big gambler. He said that it was not a problem and he has seen worse than that.

After Suryapal's first day at his new school his father called the master to see how it went. he said, I think I broke his gambling. His father asked how and the master said, Suryapal bet me Rs 100 that I had a mole on my chest, so I took off my shirt and my vest and won his money.???

WHAT!!!!!!! said the father.
Why? what's wrong?, the master asked.

Suryapal's father said, this morning he bet me Rs200 and said that he would make his master naked in front of the class before the day was over!

Suryapal-1

All were sitting around the table as the dinner was being served. When Suryapal received his plate,he started gulping the food right away.

His mother-Suryapal, wait till we say our prayer.
Suryapal-I don't have to wait till that.
His mother-Of course you have to,we say a prayer before eating at our house.

Suryapal-That is at our house,but this is Grandmother's house and she knows how to cook.

Suryapal-2

Suryapal and Satyapal, two children, were sitting outside a hospital. Satyapal was crying very loudly.

Suryapal-why the hell are you crying?

Satyapal-I came here to have a blood test

Suryapal-Are you afraid because of that?

Satyapal-No. For having the blood test, they said they'll cut my finger.

On hearing this,Suryapal immediately started crying loudly.

Astounded,Satyapal stopped crying and asked Suryapal-Why the hell are you crying now?

Suryapal-I came here for a urine test!!

Planting chickens

Once Jino planned of starting a chicken farm.So he bought a 50 chickens to begin with.
3 weeks later he went back to the trader for another 50 chickens because all of the 1st set had died.
3 weeks later he came back to the trader for another 50 chickens as the 2nd set had also died.
The trader asked-how come all your chickens are dying?
Then Jino replied-'I realized where I went wrong.I think I'm planting them too deep.'

The Reward

One day a blind man was standing near the corridor with his dog.The dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.

The took a biscuit from his pocket and
gave it to the dog.

A smart guy who had been watching all this ran towards him and said-'You should not do that.The dog will never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that'.

The blind man said, 'I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth,so that I can kick on his other end'.

The Horse rider

A horse rider was disappointed with the running of his horse at the race.

He asked his horse-Hey stupid!you could have ran faster?

Horse-I could have, but the owner should be sitting on the horse to win the race.

Goodbye to granny

A couple planned to go out in the evening. They had got ready and the cat was put out.

The cab arrives, and as the couple got out of their house, the cat went back in. They did not want the cat to be shut inside the house, so the wife goes towards the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, did not want the taxi driver to know that the house will be empty. So she explains to the taxi driver-'He has gone upstairs to say goodbye to his mother.'

A few minutes later, her husband gets into the cab and says -'Sorry I took so long' he said-'Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!'

The Dog watch

Host : I feel that you are a bit worried
Guest : Yes..err.. Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?
Host : I don't know, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

The generous lawyer

A local charity office realized that they had never received a donation from the city's most paid lawyer. The person in charge of contributions asked him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least Rs400,000, you give not a rupee to charity. Wouldn't you like to give some money to the charity in some way?"

The lawyer pondered this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying due to liver failure, and has medical bills that are equal to her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the guy muttered, "Err ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled, who is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The struck guy started to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in outrage, "leaving her in strained circumstances with three children?!"

The humiliated guy, completely beaten, said, "I had no idea..."

The lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't pay any money to them, why should I pay any to you?"

The echo

Dentist: Open your mouth wider..
Patient: AAaaaaaaaAA
Dentist: Oh my God! you have got the biggest cavity i have ever seen!the biggest cavity i have ever seen!
Patient: Why did you say that twice?
Dentist: I didn't.That was the echo!

The Arrival

A couple decided to go to Lucknow to thaw out during an icy winter. They thought of staying at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because of feverish schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Shimla and flew to Lucknow on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he thought of sending an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

In the meantime, somewhere in Bangalore, a widow had just returned home after her husband's funeral. He was a military officer who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting mails from her relatives and friends. After reading the first mail, she screamed and fainted. The widow's daughter rushed into the room, found her mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived

I know you're surprised to hear it from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I hope that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.