Suryapal's parents were a little worried, as their son was still unable to decide about his career, so they decided to have a small test.
They took a 100 rupee note, a Bible, and a bottle of bear, and put them on the table in the living room. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.
Suryapal's father told to his mother, If our son takes the money, he would be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard.
So his parents took their place and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw Suryapal arrive home.
Suryapal saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 100 rupee note , looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three things.
His father hit his forehead, and said, Damn! It is even worse than I ever imagined.
"What do you mean?" his wife asked impatiently.
He's gonna be a politician!!. his father replied.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Try and try till you succeed
In a forest, a little tortoise began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, again he slowly climbed the tree, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. Honey, I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.
Christmas wish
One day, a small kid wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister.
Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.
Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.
Praful-1
One day Praful asked his mother, "How did the human race come about?"
His Mother said, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and, so all mankind was made."
Next day, Praful asked her father the same question. His father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
Confused, praful returns to his mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and dad says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother said, Well, honey, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.
His Mother said, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and, so all mankind was made."
Next day, Praful asked her father the same question. His father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
Confused, praful returns to his mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and dad says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother said, Well, honey, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.
Suryapal-4
Suryapal went to visit his granny one day. He went and asked her, Granny, how come you don't have a boyfriend?
Granny replied, Surya, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set it in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV makes me feel so good.
The comedies in it make me laugh. I'm so happy with the TV as my boyfriend." Granny turned on the TV and the picture was ugly. She started adjusting the buttons trying to get the picture perfect. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. Suryapal heard the doorbell ring and he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Granny's insurance agent. The agent said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
Suryapal replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her boyfriend."
Granny replied, Surya, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set it in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV makes me feel so good.
The comedies in it make me laugh. I'm so happy with the TV as my boyfriend." Granny turned on the TV and the picture was ugly. She started adjusting the buttons trying to get the picture perfect. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. Suryapal heard the doorbell ring and he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Granny's insurance agent. The agent said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
Suryapal replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her boyfriend."
Suryapal-3
Suryapal was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the master to tell him that Suryapal was a big gambler. He said that it was not a problem and he has seen worse than that.
After Suryapal's first day at his new school his father called the master to see how it went. he said, I think I broke his gambling. His father asked how and the master said, Suryapal bet me Rs 100 that I had a mole on my chest, so I took off my shirt and my vest and won his money.???
WHAT!!!!!!! said the father.
Why? what's wrong?, the master asked.
Suryapal's father said, this morning he bet me Rs200 and said that he would make his master naked in front of the class before the day was over!
After Suryapal's first day at his new school his father called the master to see how it went. he said, I think I broke his gambling. His father asked how and the master said, Suryapal bet me Rs 100 that I had a mole on my chest, so I took off my shirt and my vest and won his money.???
WHAT!!!!!!! said the father.
Why? what's wrong?, the master asked.
Suryapal's father said, this morning he bet me Rs200 and said that he would make his master naked in front of the class before the day was over!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Suryapal-1
All were sitting around the table as the dinner was being served. When Suryapal received his plate,he started gulping the food right away.
His mother-Suryapal, wait till we say our prayer.
Suryapal-I don't have to wait till that.
His mother-Of course you have to,we say a prayer before eating at our house.
Suryapal-That is at our house,but this is Grandmother's house and she knows how to cook.
His mother-Suryapal, wait till we say our prayer.
Suryapal-I don't have to wait till that.
His mother-Of course you have to,we say a prayer before eating at our house.
Suryapal-That is at our house,but this is Grandmother's house and she knows how to cook.
Suryapal-2
Suryapal and Satyapal, two children, were sitting outside a hospital. Satyapal was crying very loudly.
Suryapal-why the hell are you crying?
Satyapal-I came here to have a blood test
Suryapal-Are you afraid because of that?
Satyapal-No. For having the blood test, they said they'll cut my finger.
On hearing this,Suryapal immediately started crying loudly.
Astounded,Satyapal stopped crying and asked Suryapal-Why the hell are you crying now?
Suryapal-I came here for a urine test!!
Suryapal-why the hell are you crying?
Satyapal-I came here to have a blood test
Suryapal-Are you afraid because of that?
Satyapal-No. For having the blood test, they said they'll cut my finger.
On hearing this,Suryapal immediately started crying loudly.
Astounded,Satyapal stopped crying and asked Suryapal-Why the hell are you crying now?
Suryapal-I came here for a urine test!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Planting chickens
Once Jino planned of starting a chicken farm.So he bought a 50 chickens to begin with.
3 weeks later he went back to the trader for another 50 chickens because all of the 1st set had died.
3 weeks later he came back to the trader for another 50 chickens as the 2nd set had also died.
The trader asked-how come all your chickens are dying?
Then Jino replied-'I realized where I went wrong.I think I'm planting them too deep.'
3 weeks later he went back to the trader for another 50 chickens because all of the 1st set had died.
3 weeks later he came back to the trader for another 50 chickens as the 2nd set had also died.
The trader asked-how come all your chickens are dying?
Then Jino replied-'I realized where I went wrong.I think I'm planting them too deep.'
The Reward
One day a blind man was standing near the corridor with his dog.The dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.
The took a biscuit from his pocket and
gave it to the dog.
A smart guy who had been watching all this ran towards him and said-'You should not do that.The dog will never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that'.
The blind man said, 'I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth,so that I can kick on his other end'.
The took a biscuit from his pocket and
gave it to the dog.
A smart guy who had been watching all this ran towards him and said-'You should not do that.The dog will never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that'.
The blind man said, 'I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth,so that I can kick on his other end'.
The Horse rider
A horse rider was disappointed with the running of his horse at the race.
He asked his horse-Hey stupid!you could have ran faster?
Horse-I could have, but the owner should be sitting on the horse to win the race.
He asked his horse-Hey stupid!you could have ran faster?
Horse-I could have, but the owner should be sitting on the horse to win the race.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Goodbye to granny
A couple planned to go out in the evening. They had got ready and the cat was put out.
The cab arrives, and as the couple got out of their house, the cat went back in. They did not want the cat to be shut inside the house, so the wife goes towards the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, did not want the taxi driver to know that the house will be empty. So she explains to the taxi driver-'He has gone upstairs to say goodbye to his mother.'
A few minutes later, her husband gets into the cab and says -'Sorry I took so long' he said-'Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!'
The cab arrives, and as the couple got out of their house, the cat went back in. They did not want the cat to be shut inside the house, so the wife goes towards the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, did not want the taxi driver to know that the house will be empty. So she explains to the taxi driver-'He has gone upstairs to say goodbye to his mother.'
A few minutes later, her husband gets into the cab and says -'Sorry I took so long' he said-'Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!'
The Dog watch
Host : I feel that you are a bit worried
Guest : Yes..err.. Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?
Host : I don't know, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
Guest : Yes..err.. Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?
Host : I don't know, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."
The generous lawyer
A local charity office realized that they had never received a donation from the city's most paid lawyer. The person in charge of contributions asked him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least Rs400,000, you give not a rupee to charity. Wouldn't you like to give some money to the charity in some way?"
The lawyer pondered this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying due to liver failure, and has medical bills that are equal to her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the guy muttered, "Err ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled, who is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The struck guy started to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in outrage, "leaving her in strained circumstances with three children?!"
The humiliated guy, completely beaten, said, "I had no idea..."
The lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't pay any money to them, why should I pay any to you?"
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least Rs400,000, you give not a rupee to charity. Wouldn't you like to give some money to the charity in some way?"
The lawyer pondered this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying due to liver failure, and has medical bills that are equal to her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the guy muttered, "Err ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled, who is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The struck guy started to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in outrage, "leaving her in strained circumstances with three children?!"
The humiliated guy, completely beaten, said, "I had no idea..."
The lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't pay any money to them, why should I pay any to you?"
The echo
Dentist: Open your mouth wider..
Patient: AAaaaaaaaAA
Dentist: Oh my God! you have got the biggest cavity i have ever seen!the biggest cavity i have ever seen!
Patient: Why did you say that twice?
Dentist: I didn't.That was the echo!
Patient: AAaaaaaaaAA
Dentist: Oh my God! you have got the biggest cavity i have ever seen!the biggest cavity i have ever seen!
Patient: Why did you say that twice?
Dentist: I didn't.That was the echo!
The Arrival
A couple decided to go to Lucknow to thaw out during an icy winter. They thought of staying at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because of feverish schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Shimla and flew to Lucknow on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he thought of sending an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
In the meantime, somewhere in Bangalore, a widow had just returned home after her husband's funeral. He was a military officer who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting mails from her relatives and friends. After reading the first mail, she screamed and fainted. The widow's daughter rushed into the room, found her mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
I know you're surprised to hear it from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I hope that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he thought of sending an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
In the meantime, somewhere in Bangalore, a widow had just returned home after her husband's funeral. He was a military officer who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting mails from her relatives and friends. After reading the first mail, she screamed and fainted. The widow's daughter rushed into the room, found her mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
I know you're surprised to hear it from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I hope that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
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