Suryapal's Luck

A pretty girl walked up to Suryapal's department store.
Pretty girl- "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
Suryapal-"Only one kiss per yard,".
Girl-"That's fine,"."I'll take ten yards."
Suryapal-With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, he quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out to her.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

The Drug convincers

Praful and Suryapal get busted for smoking, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop taking drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail." So Praful and Suryapal agrees and the judge tells them to come back on the next Monday. So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how well they did.
Praful-''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' .
Judge-''Wow, how'd you do that?''.
Praful-''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''

Suryapal-''Oh, that's nothing!" . "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''
Judge-''Wow. How'd you do that?''.

Suryapal-''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...and.........!!''

Praful-4

Praful touched his knee with his finger and yelled....... Ouch. The same thing happened when he touched his elbow ,his nose,eye,toe and ear. He went for a whole body checkup and found that his finger was broken!

Praful's Big doubt

Praful had a real big doubt which no one could answer.
Praful-Why does farts stink?
But at last Suryapal had an answer!
Suryapal-So that deaf people can enjoy them too!!

blood blood blood!!

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him have some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

Fell asleep

Suryapal and praful were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally,Praful turned to Suryapal and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.

Suryapal turned towards him and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

Suryapal-7

Kochi's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery in vazhakala. Suryapal and his gang had started their rescue mission and has found 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues.

the tests

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

The three envelopes

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he was going to replace. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you find yourself in a crisis which you can't solve."

Three months later the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all.

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About 6 months later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

A year later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes and hook your job on a new manager!"

Alaskan Fishing

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Shawn, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Shawn shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Shawn said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper - "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Shawn. Swallowing hard, he asked, "what's the good news?"

The trooper- "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-sized crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Shawn - "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper- "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Pay attention!

First year students at Medical college were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
Professor-"In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

Professor-"Go ahead and do the same thing," .
The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.

When everyone finished,
Professor-"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"

Suryapal-6

Suryapal and Satyapal had not seen each other for many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Suryapal invited Satyapal to visit him in his new apartment.

Suryapal-"I've got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."

Satyapal-"Great. Where do you live?"

Suryapal-"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."

Satyapal-"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"

Suryapal-"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."

Move in pace

Bill Gates was having a talk with the chairman of General Motors.
Bill-"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour."

He continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."  

In response, the GM chairman- "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

The Computer way

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer -"I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer - "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas."

The electrical engineer -"I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer - "I think we should all get out and then get back in."

The ultimate prayer

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless my Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma...... Tata, Grandpa."

The father didn't know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless my Mommy and Daddy........ Tata,Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless my Mommy........... Tata, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the hospital early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the car shed. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our car shed this morning!"

Unusual Names

A small boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
Boy-"Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?

Mother-"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm"

Boy -"Why is my sister named Cornflower"?
Mother-"Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her".
Boy-"And why is my other sister called Moonchild"?

Mother-"We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived"
The mother paused and said to her son... "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious??"

Praful-3

Praful comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, praful, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. At that time saw a chewing gum stuck on my teachers dress.. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

Praful, his father said. "You don't do those kind of things when you are in a church."

The very next day Praful came home with the other eye black.

Praful's father said, "Praful, I thought we had a talk yesterday!"

"But Dad,"Praful said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. At that time i saw a chewing gum stuck on my teachers dress. Then Jino who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I stuck it back in!"

A Lawyer's Charge

A new client had just arrived to see a famous lawyer.
Client-"Can you tell me how much you charge?"
Lawyer-"Of course", "I charge Rs500 to answer three questions!"
Client-"Well that's a bit expensive, isn't it?"
Lawyer-"Yes it is","And what's your third question??"

Medicine vs Engg: vs Law

Suryapal(physician), Jino(engineer), and Praful(lawyer) were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. Then Suryapal(physician) said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

Then, Jino(engineer) replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, Praful(lawyer) spoke up. "Yes, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion??"

Grasshopper

One fine day, Suryapal was riding in his tipper lorry when he saw Praful and Jino eating grass by the road side. He stoped his vehicle and he got out to investigate.

Suryapal-"Why are you guys eating grass?"
Praful and Jino-"We have no money for food."
Suryapal-"Oh, come along with me then."
Praful-"But, I have a wife with two children!"
Suryapal-"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to Jino.
Jino-"But , I have a wife with six children!"
Suryapal-"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed up into the lorry, which was no easy task. Once underway,Jino said, "You are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Suryapal-"No problem, the grass at my house is about two feet tall!"

Suryapal vs Praful

Suryapal was sent to Hell for his sins. On his way to his room of endless torture, he passed a room where he saw praful having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," Suryapal muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that Praful gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing Suryapal with his pitchfork, the escorting devil snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?

Praful-2

One day,Praful had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his classmates, when suddenly a KSRTC-Super Fast came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a policeman came by, and Praful ran up to him yelling. "MY PIAGGIO APE'S DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he cried out.
I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the policeman said.
Then Praful looked down at his side and again cried out "OH MY GOD !!MY TIMEX !!"